19 9 / 2012

76: Food Mood ThermometerGet nervous in that pivotal moment of deciding what meal to order? BUT THIS MAY BE MY LAST! My father partially believes this and strategically suggests buffets as much as possible…Sizzler.. .Golden Corral…I digress. Never have food envy again with The Food Mood Meter! This thermometer-style device analyzes what your taste buds crave and mood to determine the most optimum meal for that exact moment and restaurant. Not shown: thermometer changes colors a la mood ring.

76: Food Mood Thermometer
Get nervous in that pivotal moment of deciding what meal to order? BUT THIS MAY BE MY LAST! My father partially believes this and strategically suggests buffets as much as possible…Sizzler.. .Golden Corral…I digress. Never have food envy again with The Food Mood Meter! This thermometer-style device analyzes what your taste buds crave and mood to determine the most optimum meal for that exact moment and restaurant. Not shown: thermometer changes colors a la mood ring.

26 6 / 2012

75: Time Pressure CapsuleSometimes (i.e. with this very project) I procrastinate….who doesn’t? Imagine how efficient we would be if we just did everything the exact moment we were supposed to do it? Save yourself an enormous amount of time with the Time Pressure Capsule. You can’t leave the capsule until you finish your pre-determined task…in its entirety. The climate is especially designed to mimic a high pressure environment to make you work fast (air, clocks, music) with no phones or time wasting sites allowed. Procrastinators Unite….Tomorrow Today! 

75: Time Pressure Capsule
Sometimes (i.e. with this very project) I procrastinate….who doesn’t? Imagine how efficient we would be if we just did everything the exact moment we were supposed to do it? Save yourself an enormous amount of time with the Time Pressure Capsule. You can’t leave the capsule until you finish your pre-determined task…in its entirety. The climate is especially designed to mimic a high pressure environment to make you work fast (air, clocks, music) with no phones or time wasting sites allowed. Procrastinators Unite….Tomorrow Today! 

26 6 / 2012

74: Anti-Gravity FastenerLifting heavy boxes? Lugging suitcases? Manual labor? Para mio? No way Jose! That’s why you need the Anti-Gravity Fastener. Place the circular device to anything that might cause you one strenuous bead of sweat. It instantly makes things feel weightless, like in the water. Now you can get back to focusing on more important things…like looking good. 

74: Anti-Gravity Fastener
Lifting heavy boxes? Lugging suitcases? Manual labor? Para mio? No way Jose! That’s why you need the Anti-Gravity Fastener. Place the circular device to anything that might cause you one strenuous bead of sweat. It instantly makes things feel weightless, like in the water. Now you can get back to focusing on more important things…like looking good. 

26 6 / 2012

73: Two-Button Remote (with Teri Voice Activation)You press On. Then TV. Then On again. Umm…Cable? Wait no…Off. Actually…FORGET IT.  Even if my life depended on it, I am unable to operate today’s TV remotes. Remotes should be more intuitive! Enter the Two-Button Remote with Teri (a close sister to Siri) Voice Activation. With this remote, On is for turning on the TV, and Off is for turning off the TV - how revolutionary! The rest is voice activated. Want MTV? Say: “MTV.” Want Channel 2,3657? Say “2,3567.” Life just got a lot easier with your new BFF Teri. 

73: Two-Button Remote (with Teri Voice Activation)
You press On. Then TV. Then On again. Umm…Cable? Wait no…Off. Actually…FORGET IT.  Even if my life depended on it, I am unable to operate today’s TV remotes. Remotes should be more intuitive! Enter the Two-Button Remote with Teri (a close sister to Siri) Voice Activation. With this remote, On is for turning on the TV, and Off is for turning off the TV - how revolutionary! The rest is voice activated. Want MTV? Say: “MTV.” Want Channel 2,3657? Say “2,3567.” Life just got a lot easier with your new BFF Teri. 

26 6 / 2012

72: Shoe Peel-OffsThe bottom of our shoes are probably the most vile objects in our household. And even germaphobes aren’t OCD enough to clean the bottom of their shoes…regularly. Stop tracking all kinds of crap into the the home with Shoe Peel-Offs. All shoes will now be loaded with a supply of thin clear peel-offs, with traction grooves of course. When your shoes are carrying too much unidentified grommet to bare, just peel off the filth!

72: Shoe Peel-Offs
The bottom of our shoes are probably the most vile objects in our household. And even germaphobes aren’t OCD enough to clean the bottom of their shoes…regularly. Stop tracking all kinds of crap into the the home with Shoe Peel-Offs. All shoes will now be loaded with a supply of thin clear peel-offs, with traction grooves of course. When your shoes are carrying too much unidentified grommet to bare, just peel off the filth!

23 6 / 2012

71: Pneumatic Tube SystemRemember the first time you saw those tube canisters at the bank drive-up? Astounding! Well done technology! The Pneumatic Tube System will now be implemented city-wide to carry the sh*t you so strenuously tote around daily, i.e. purses, shopping/grocery/gym bags, backpacks, and computer cases. Walk outside the front door, place your crap in the canister, send to your location, and PRESTO! Walk to your destination light as a feather, without a care in the world, and…get this…FREE HANDS. 

71: Pneumatic Tube System
Remember the first time you saw those tube canisters at the bank drive-up? Astounding! Well done technology! The Pneumatic Tube System will now be implemented city-wide to carry the sh*t you so strenuously tote around daily, i.e. purses, shopping/grocery/gym bags, backpacks, and computer cases. Walk outside the front door, place your crap in the canister, send to your location, and PRESTO! Walk to your destination light as a feather, without a care in the world, and…get this…FREE HANDS. 

23 6 / 2012

70: Edible Popsicle SticksC’mon, we all do it. After licking the last droplets of our frozen popsicle treats, we gnaw away on that wooden stick like a little beaver until the wood splints off into a million pieces. To further enhance the divine experience that is consuming a popsicle, let’s make that wooden stick edible. Sticks will now be made out of frozen cookie or, if you’re a risk taker, frozen raw cookie dough. A plastic slip over the bottom will prevent germ contamination of the cookie stick. All hail the cookie popsicle stick!!!

70: Edible Popsicle Sticks
C’mon, we all do it. After licking the last droplets of our frozen popsicle treats, we gnaw away on that wooden stick like a little beaver until the wood splints off into a million pieces. To further enhance the divine experience that is consuming a popsicle, let’s make that wooden stick edible. Sticks will now be made out of frozen cookie or, if you’re a risk taker, frozen raw cookie dough. A plastic slip over the bottom will prevent germ contamination of the cookie stick. All hail the cookie popsicle stick!!!

23 6 / 2012

69: One Load Washer/DryerHow awesome would it be if we only had to put the wash in once and take out once? No more forgetting wet clothes in the washer for hours, or waiting around wasting precious weekend hours to change the load. When clothes are finished washing with the One Load Washer/Dryer, a circular passage door opens to the dryer above. A vacuum suction then draws the clothes up through to the dryer. Because you have two separate machines working together, you get the same quality wash with half the effort. 

69: One Load Washer/Dryer
How awesome would it be if we only had to put the wash in once and take out once? No more forgetting wet clothes in the washer for hours, or waiting around wasting precious weekend hours to change the load. When clothes are finished washing with the One Load Washer/Dryer, a circular passage door opens to the dryer above. A vacuum suction then draws the clothes up through to the dryer. Because you have two separate machines working together, you get the same quality wash with half the effort. 

22 6 / 2012

68: Mint Dispensing ToothDue to a recent dental trauma, it has come to my attention that not every tooth is totally essential, especially in the back. Which is why I purpose one tooth per willing person be equipped with a Pez-like mint dispenser. Tilt your head, lightly tap the side of your mouth near designated tooth, and out pops a mint. Never worry about bad breath or have to tote around a tub of mints and pack of gum again. Just refill your tooth once a month! 

68: Mint Dispensing Tooth
Due to a recent dental trauma, it has come to my attention that not every tooth is totally essential, especially in the back. Which is why I purpose one tooth per willing person be equipped with a Pez-like mint dispenser. Tilt your head, lightly tap the side of your mouth near designated tooth, and out pops a mint. Never worry about bad breath or have to tote around a tub of mints and pack of gum again. Just refill your tooth once a month! 

22 6 / 2012

67: The Amazing Purse Magnet Finder I spend a significant amount of time searching endlessly through the black hole that is my purse. After searching for like a whole minute, who hasn’t had that give-it-all-up moment, thrown their bags on the floor in desperation, and literally sorted out everything to find one small obnoxious but necessary item. Frustration ends here with the Amazing Purse Magnet Finder, now with voice activation. A tiny RFID (whatever that means) magnetized micro chip* is placed inside your hand as well as your bag. The next time you need something, literally tell your purse what you want, and the item will float directly into the palms of your hands. *This product is certified 100% safe. Side effects may include: dry mouth, urinary retention, blurred vision, constipation,  headache, nausea, weight gain, loss of libido, panic attacks, abdominal pain, sudden diarrhea, and/or completely irrational behavior. 

67: The Amazing Purse Magnet Finder 
I spend a significant amount of time searching endlessly through the black hole that is my purse. After searching for like a whole minute, who hasn’t had that give-it-all-up moment, thrown their bags on the floor in desperation, and literally sorted out everything to find one small obnoxious but necessary item. Frustration ends here with the Amazing Purse Magnet Finder, now with voice activation. A tiny RFID (whatever that means) magnetized micro chip* is placed inside your hand as well as your bag. The next time you need something, literally tell your purse what you want, and the item will float directly into the palms of your hands. 

*This product is certified 100% safe. Side effects may include: dry mouth, urinary retention, blurred vision, constipation,  headache, nausea, weight gain, loss of libido, panic attacks, abdominal pain, sudden diarrhea, and/or completely irrational behavior.